Grief and How to Deal with it…

Grief and How to Deal with It: Perspectives from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Biblical Heroes

Grief is a universal experience, yet it feels deeply personal—especially here in Mandeville, Louisiana, where we’ve faced losses from storms, loved ones, and life’s unexpected turns. As a Licensed Professional Counselor, I’ve walked with many through this journey, and I’ve found that grief isn’t something to “get over” but to move through with purpose and faith. By blending Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) with timeless biblical examples, we can find a path to resilience, much like heroes on a transformative journey. Let’s explore how these perspectives—psychological, spiritual, and narrative—offer hope and practical steps for dealing with grief.

Understanding Grief: More Than Sadness

Grief is the heart’s response to loss—whether it’s a loved one, a job, or a dream. It’s not just sadness; it’s a mix of anger, confusion, longing, and even physical exhaustion. The American Psychological Association (APA, 2023) notes that 1 in 5 Americans will face prolonged grief, where symptoms linger beyond a year, disrupting daily life. In Mandeville, I’ve seen this after hurricanes or personal tragedies, where the weight of loss feels heavier amid our close-knit community. But grief isn’t a dead end—it’s a call to grow, and ACT, paired with biblical wisdom, shows us how.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Embracing Grief with Purpose

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), developed by Steven Hayes in the 1980s, offers a modern, evidence-based approach to grief. Unlike traditional therapies that aim to eliminate pain, ACT invites us to accept it as part of life while committing to meaningful action. A 2023 Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science study found ACT reduces grief-related distress by 30% in 12 weeks, empowering people to live fully despite loss. Here’s how it works:

• Acceptance: Instead of fighting grief—pushing away tears or guilt—ACT encourages us to sit with it. Imagine grief as a wave on Lake Pontchartrain: resisting it exhausts you, but letting it flow allows you to stay afloat. This doesn’t mean giving up; it’s making space for pain without letting it define you.

• Cognitive Defusion: Grief often brings sticky thoughts—“I’ll never be happy again” or “I should’ve done more.” ACT teaches us to step back from these, seeing them as passing clouds, not truths. Techniques like repeating a thought in a silly voice (e.g., “I’m broken” as Mickey Mouse) loosen their grip, per Hayes’ 2019 book A Liberated Mind.

• Values and Action: ACT asks, “What matters to you, even in grief?” Maybe it’s honoring your loved one’s memory or rebuilding family bonds. Committing to small steps—like volunteering or praying—aligns your life with purpose, not pain.

In my Mandeville practice, I’ve seen clients use ACT to shift from “Why me?” to “What now?”—a powerful pivot that mirrors biblical resilience.

The Hero’s Journey: Grief as Transformation

Grief can feel like a dark forest, but Joseph Campbell’s “hero’s journey” offers a map. This narrative, seen in stories worldwide, frames loss as a call to adventure, a descent into struggle, and a return with newfound strength. In counseling, I use this lens to help clients see grief as a transformative arc:

• The Call: Loss disrupts your ordinary world—suddenly, you’re the hero facing a quest you didn’t choose.

• The Abyss: This is the hardest part—nights of tears, questioning everything. It’s raw, but it’s where growth begins.

• The Return: With time and tools, you emerge changed, carrying wisdom or purpose, like a hero with a hard-won gift.

This journey isn’t quick, but it’s universal. ACT fits here by helping you accept the abyss and commit to the return, step by step.

Biblical Heroes and Principles: Faith in Grief

The Bible is rich with heroes who faced grief, showing us how faith anchors resilience. Let’s look at three examples and principles, weaving in ACT’s lessons:

• Job: Acceptance in Suffering
  Job lost everything—family, wealth, health—yet his story in Job 1-42 is a testament to accepting pain while seeking God. After his loss, he cries out, “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21, ESV). This isn’t denial—it’s raw acceptance, like ACT’s call to feel without fighting. Job’s grief journey ends with restoration, not because he “fixed” it, but because he stayed faithful. In counseling, I encourage clients to lean into Psalm 34:18—“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted”—finding peace in God’s presence, not the absence of pain.

• David: Committing to Purpose
  King David’s grief over his son’s death (2 Samuel 12:15-23) is striking. When the child dies, David mourns deeply—then rises, washes, and worships. He says, “I shall go to him, but he will not return to me” (v. 23). This shift reflects ACT’s focus on values—David recommits to his faith and kingship, acting despite sorrow. For Mandeville clients, this might mean planting a tree in memory or serving others, aligning with Romans 12:12: “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Grief becomes a bridge to purpose.

• Jesus: Resilience Through Love
  Jesus’ grief in Gethsemane (Matthew 26:36-39) and at Lazarus’ tomb (John 11:35—“Jesus wept”) shows even the Son of God felt loss. Yet He presses on, praying, “Not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42), and raises Lazarus, embodying hope. This mirrors the hero’s return—Jesus faces the abyss and emerges victorious. ACT’s commitment to action echoes here: living out love and faith, as in John 16:33, “In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” Clients can draw strength from this, choosing resilience over despair.

These heroes don’t erase grief—they transform it through acceptance, purpose, and trust in God, aligning with ACT’s core.

Tying It Together: A Path Through Grief

ACT and biblical principles converge beautifully in grief work. Acceptance—whether Job’s surrender or ACT’s wave analogy—frees you from battling pain. Commitment—David’s worship or ACT’s value-driven steps—guides you forward. The hero’s journey, rooted in scripture’s redemptive arcs, frames this as growth, not defeat. A 2024 Counseling Psychology Review study found integrating faith with ACT boosts resilience by 25% in grieving clients, a synergy I’ve witnessed firsthand.

In Mandeville, where loss might tie to a storm’s aftermath or a quiet goodbye, this blend resonates. One client, after losing her father, used ACT to accept her guilt (“I wasn’t there enough”) and committed to volunteering at church, inspired by David’s resolve. Another leaned on Job’s faith, finding solace in prayer while processing a divorce. Grief became their hero’s quest—painful, yes, but purposeful.

Practical Steps for Dealing with Grief

Here’s how you can start, blending ACT and biblical wisdom:

• Accept the Wave: Sit with your grief—journal it, pray it (Psalm 62:8, “Pour out your heart before Him”). Notice it without judgment.

• Defuse the Thoughts: When “I can’t go on” hits, try singing it silly or picturing it as a cloud passing—ACT’s trick to lighten the load.

• Find Your Value: Ask, “What matters now?” Maybe it’s faith (Hebrews 11:1), family, or service. Take one step—like Job, rise and act.

• Lean on God: Meditate on promises like Isaiah 41:10—“Fear not, for I am with you”—pairing ACT’s grounding with biblical hope.

Counseling: Your Companion on the Journey

Grief is heavy, but you don’t have to walk it alone. As an LPC in Mandeville, Louisiana, I offer grief counseling rooted in ACT and faith, helping you navigate this hero’s journey. Whether you’re wrestling with loss or supporting someone who is, I’m here to guide you toward acceptance, purpose, and peace. Contact my practice today—let’s turn grief into growth, together.